TO LEAVE LAW OR NOT TO LEAVE: WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS?
28 May 2009
Another busy time, more long hours, more soul searching and the conflict between my present and future has become increasingly evident. I feel a bit of a fraud sitting down with partners and discussing the deals they want me to be working on over the next couple of years: my careful planning feels more like furtive plotting.
As lawyers we are conditioned to deal in black and white, in definite concepts and precise terms. Lately it feels hard to concentrate when I have one eye on doing something completely different, especially when more and more is demanded of me. Partners are expecting more: more hours and more billing as their PEP profits are threatened.
I decide to escape this and experience a complete difference to my world of corporate law, of suits, targets and stress by visiting a charity project helping children in one of the poorest countries in the world. The project helps children who are suffering from HIV, poverty, malnutrition and neglect and the comparison with my current world is thought-provoking.
I went looking for a sense of perspective and to see whether I could swap capitalism for humanity and go from dealing with partners and clients to dealing with real life, in the form of death and poverty. I am struggling to care about what I do in law, so wonder if I could achieve this by doing a worthier job.
I visit a school, an orphanage and a hospital, all of which are filled with people we instinctively feel sorry for, people who are poor, ill, uneducated. The buildings are a stark contrast to our sanitised city spaces. Despite this, or maybe because of it, the people I meet are warm, smiling, interested, grateful. I enjoy playing with the children, meeting the people, trying to help solve problems.
I soon learn about the stresses that the people who work on these projects have to deal with on a daily basis: uninterested and corrupt governments, cultural and language barriers, death, disease and huge frustration. However, they are rewarded by genuinely making a difference, by smiles, by people getting healthier and happier and it is the satisfaction from this humanity that I take from my visit.
I don’t see myself swapping my corporate world for such an extreme change into the world of charity work any time soon. I think it takes a very special kind of person who sees their job as a vocation. I have learned that while I don’t like what I do, I am more suited to the climate and the comforts of home. To truly help you have to be prepared to get your hands dirty and while I enjoyed my visit, I am not sure how long I could swap manicures for mosquito bites.
However, what I have learned is that my empathy and my interest in other people, factors which are so important for volunteers out there, are not needed in my current job, and could even be a hindrance. At the projects I am praised for playing with the children, for teaching them new words, for making a connection with one boy who doesn’t normally like strangers. This praise means so much more than that received for drafting a slick joint venture agreement or negotiating some good terms for a client.
Perhaps it is just where I work, but there seems to be a direct correlation between lack of social skills and career progression. The partner who has never been able to look me in the eye, or the one who had to get someone else to apologise to me for his mistake, this type of person seems to thrive in my current world in a way I don’t ever want to replicate.
The most sobering thought following my trip is that I am probably much more suited to the charity work than the corporate work I do now. I just have to fake it while I investigate.
To contact the MTL blogger, email mtlblogger@moretolaw.com
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